What is #Positivity in 2020?

First of all, let us just put it out there in black and white, ink to paper, keyboard to screen. Covid 19 has been a positivity challenge for us all! 2020 has by far, been the most surreal year of my life, maybe yours too!

Lockdown has seen a huge change in our lives. For many it has been complete isolation, cut off from all they love and know. For others it has been a breeding ground of cabin fever, falling over each other and never having a moment alone. And then comes the losses from Covid! The loss of life, the loss of health, of businesses, of jobs, of freedom, of future plans and excitement, of events and happiness.

What a weird year 2020 has been so far!

In amongst all of this 2020 weirdness there is hope, there is positivity and there is joy. We just have to look for it!

Captain Tom for instance, has been a huge beacon of light during this time and he is a light that shone on all of us. When I look back at 2020 I will always think of Captain Tom. But can we find that joy and light inside ourselves? Is it there just waiting to burst out?

Find your inner light

Being positive is not always easy, in truth it shouldn’t be. Life is full of ups and downs, of challenges and complexities that sometimes fry your brain (or at least that’s what I sometimes feel like). Life is not always sunshine and daisies and you know what, that is OK.

Over the past few months I have spoken to many friends, family and clients who have found it hard to find the light and the first thing I always want to say is “that’s OK”. It is OK for the darkness to be there, it is OK for the world to feel heavy on your shoulders, it is OK to feel sad and hurt, it is OK to wonder why you bothered or what was the point.

Life is not always sunshine and daisies. We each have a story to this effect. But our feelings are real, no matter how dark or difficult they are and they are called feelings because we should feel them! Only once we have felt then, listened to them and accepted them for what they are can we start to find our light again!

There is a big pressure to remain positive sometimes, to be happy, to see the light. There is sometimes a level of shame and even fear if we are sad or are finding things challenging. But why? Where does this come from?

All too often this sense of shame and fear comes from expectation. The expectations we place upon ourselves and also those that are forced upon us through the media, through social media and from those around us. Can we control this and break into the light?

What to do when you are trying to be positive but feel dark inside?

  1. Take a moment to feel how you really feel. Maybe write it down and read it back, tell yourself a story about how you feel or even sing it out! But take that time to feel it, to know it.
  2. Now you know how you feel accept these feelings. Nothing bad will happen if you accept them, but you can move forward from them when you do. Affirmations are a good way to accept feelings, writing them down or telling yourself “I feel really bloody sad, an that is OK to feel this way”.

Now you have done the hard work. Maybe there were tears along the way. Maybe these 2 steps took a few days to do honestly. But once these steps are there you can move on to finding your light again!

There are lots of ways that you can find your light. They take time, there will be ups and downs and it might be challenging but know that every time you try you are getting closer and closer!

It’s time to find your light again

This is a really handy sequence of techniques that I use when helping many of my life coaching clients to find their light again. Starting with the acceptance of how you feel now its time to do something with those feelings.

  1. Find out what does not serve you! A tricky challenge I admit and one that requires you to look hard at yourself. Take a look at all the things that make you feel this way. I am talking about the ‘things’. The situations at work, the people, the job, the pressure, the expectations, the words, the self esteem, the money. Whatever these things are that make you loose sight of your glowing light write them down, list them, mind map them, get them out of our head and onto paper.
  2. What can you physically change? Grab a different coloured pen. Circle all that you can physically change. Can you change your situation at work? Can you change your fitness? Can you change the people around you? Can you change your engagement in social media?
  3. What can you change in your mind? Now, take anther coloured pen and circle all the things that you can change if you change how you think about them! Can you change the importance you place on the opinion of others, can you change the words that you think about yourself? Can you change what your think is expected of you?

These 3 things are pretty big. But once you have this list you can now determine what actions you can actually make. It wont be easy and it may take time. Look at these lists, these colours and pick just a few things you will change and decide how you will make that change. Write down the actions you are going to take. Try them and then revisit this again in a week or two, can you take new actions, do you need to tweek the actions you have tried?

A body image issue!

Let’s take a moment to look at body image. This is something that crops up so often in my work and I think it is one many women can relate.

Now imagine unhappiness, sadness, lack of confidence, fear of judgement, lack of acceptance, a fear of not being loved or ever good enough. These are real feelings felt by many of my clients over the years. We can often unpick (sometimes after hours of listening, questioning and delving deep) the root cause of these feelings to a poor self image. And when we apply these three steps the results can be amazing.

Doing this with Suzanne was so liberating. I didn’t realise how much control I had because I had just never taken a moment to accept my feelings and look at where they were coming from. My body confidence may not have changed just yet but my feelings and the relief have been amazing. “

We don’t have to be positive and chirpy all the time. When we are not it can become a deep and dark place that is hard to get out of. This is the time to take your control back, to take steps no matter how big or small to find your light and shine again.

Love, light and a sprinkle of sparkle

Suzanne xxx

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